She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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