I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
