her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
