Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
