weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
