It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
