I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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