You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
