We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize