I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
