What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
