I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
