I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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