Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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