I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card