gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's the barista slut.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.