HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube