I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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