were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
