Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
