he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize