it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
