This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
