it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
