Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
