im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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