My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
