Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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