Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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