I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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