Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
