I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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