I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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