He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
