By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
