4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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