I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
