You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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