So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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