I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
