you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
