Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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