If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
