She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
