just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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