we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
