Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
