somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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