I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
