New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
