"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize