I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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