I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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