just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
