I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're a waste of cheezeits
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
