This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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