Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
