I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had to cum in my sink.
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