ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
