I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
