"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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