it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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