isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
