help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
